We move in two days. Everyone is stressed and the kids feel it. Yesterday their behavior got the best of me and I snapped.
One of my goals for 2015 was more like a vision.
I had a vision of myself mothering with the patience of an unflappable nun: hands folded calmly in the face of chaos, voice smooth and undeterred as she administers grace and restores peace.
When I lost it with the kids I most definitely did not look like that unflappable nun.
Snuggling with the kids after we’d exchanged apologies and received forgiveness I realized the flaw in my vision – and no, not the part about nuns not having kids.
I can’t imagine I will be calm in difficult situations if I am not calm in normal situations.
An unflappable nun doesn’t run about her work like a chicken with her head cut off.
When I do my work that way I put myself under tension, primed and ready to snap.
As much as you know this is obvious, please tell me I am not the only one who thinks she can work like mad and be saintly when necessary.
There’s not much left to 2015, but I yearn to live a revised version of the unflappable nun in my mind’s eye.
She goes about all her work with serenity, treating each task with care, making each movement deliberately.
She is beautiful when she cleans toilets and cooks dinner. She is unflappable in the quiet moments as well as the chaotic ones.
Life is a ritual. Sacred. Beautiful.
Only from that place of peace will I learn to be the unflappable nun in the stressful moments.
Wish me luck!